Wednesday, February 22, 2017

again?,,....


I may have already posted this, but I heard today and still like it a lot. I'm having a great week, really busy, but so many things getting done and I even started morning swims again this week. more later. cheers

Sunday, February 19, 2017

more dog photos blah blah.................


still february....................

I finally figured it out why I needed a sort of break from my friend T in AR.  I had the feeling but I had to come up with words to explain it to myself.  Because we're both single and I know she would like me more than a friend, even though she knows I don't like girls that way, we sort of play like a couple which I think we get too comfortable with and it becomes too co-dependent. if that makes sense.  For me, it's like playing straight boy friend , long distance as it is, and I feel overall it's a disservice to us both. I also realized that it pisses me off because of she is straight and has perfectly "normal" feelings for men, but doesn't seek a relationship with any.  And I get it because she was cheated on and divorced ten years ago, but she has dated a few guys since then,( one in particular was an Indian guy much younger but they made out and such all the time.  He was hindu so she knew it would never last, he went back to India at some point, and I like to tease her that he went back to a wife and family. ha!)
Anyway, I think what pisses me off is that I'm not dating anyone because I've lived a life reconciling my faith with homosexuality and also just whether I wanted to be known as such, accepting it myself, and also the dreamss of the full on romance of fall in love relationship with men that wasn't based on sex.  (and sometimes I like to play the mind game of isn't everything gay based on sex, I know it's not with everyone, probably I've just seen too much xxx online.) my point is that I'm not moving forward and neither is she by chatting online so much with every day to day detail.  I had to get out.  Sure I miss it, great companionship sitting alone at home every night and messaging back and forth about stuff on tv or whatever, for sure.  But I don't think it's fair to her, for her not meeting someone that she could spend the rest of her life with, nice happy sex life and all.  I figure one of us should have such. And don't be offended at my use of the word "normal" I'm not saying gay is not normal, I'm saying I've not been able to live normal gay or straight, they're both normal, I also feel like me breaking off the co-dependency, if you want to call it that, pushes me forward to make a move or a choice etc She can get on with her life, she know who she is, I figure why doesn't she?! ha. And yes, I can do the same I know I know blah blah  I;m not a millennial and grew up in a time that it wasn't a considered option or possibility so convincing myself to do such has yet to happen.  As if that is something new on this blog. believe me the right guy I would definitely jump in and go for it. there are some different directions and choices I should have made a lot earlier in life. okay enough, that is the deal with sort of making a distance.
the problem is that I have girl friends that I will say "love, Dan" on a note and i'd never say that to my notes to T.  or girl friends that I give a kiss on the cheek at hello or goodbye , but that I'd never do with T. I feel too much it plays like a couple and we are not and will not be.
We are going to Denver this May again, a road trip when I get out of school  And we are really good together and talk non stop and have great fun. we understand each other. it's great fun, but I cant' do that week by week, I'd rather it be a great friend I get to catch up with time to time. I live in OKC! I need friends in OKC etc.blah blah, I don't like making downer posts. booo
had a great work week.  after redesign meeting Friday morning, I spent the rest of the afternoon from 12 to 3 working on my garden club's newsletter, which I'm in charge of and had to get done before our February meeting.  I use Publisher at work and included lots of my photos from last summer.  I did a story on a garden we toured last summer, and a story on Baptisia, or false blue indigo, and then included all the club minutes form last fall, and all the information about the convention we're hosting for the region this summer.  Friday night,I went out to dinner with platonic friend A, the vet, who I've known since we had high school classes together.  that's all we have in common other than being old and single now. ha  anyway IHOP for dinner and I talked about my job and all the garden club stuff I just mentioned.
Saturday morning I spent some online time alone in bed and later at the kitchen table before breakfast. then I worked in the yard for a while. at 11;30 I picked up Betty and gave her a ride to our garden club meeting.  had to bring my laptop to use for the presentation.  slides of all the gardens last year the club had opportunity to see, local tour, regionals, and nationals. done by 2:30 and I came home to relax a bit, and then I went downtown by 5:30 to see the Oscar nominated animated short films at the OKC museum of art.  they were all very good!  church today and then lots of yardwork, then over to see my folks outside of OKC.  this has been a very nice weekend. I'm ready for a solid workweek and getting one more week out of the way closer to Spring. :) cheers all.

hmmm....... catchy song though...............


Saturday, February 18, 2017